Rough Planet Guides:

***** The latest in news from around the ITA and other places. ***** Read the latest news from LaFollette Earth! ***** Find out about Buster Keaton's new Head!***** What to watch out for in Spanish London ***** News from Ugandan Israel Earth *****

Vol .1, No. 2

April 2002


In this Issue:

Editorial Where We're Going
Featured Guide: The Buried Treasures Of La Follette Earth's Brazil
Notes from around the Metaverse:
Buster Keaton's Head
Spanish London
Unrest on Ugandan Israel Earth

Where We're Going

Well this issue has been long in coming, and well, it's my fault that it's late. As the chief editor of the Rough Planet Guides, one would have hoped that I had my act together. Well, no, I haven't. So with a mighty backlog of articles to get published, I'm going through the best of the best and getting them published in this issue. More issues are coming, so don't worry if you don't see your work here immediately, I'm working on it.


South America, With The Accent On America - The Buried Treasures Of La Follette Earth's Brazil

By Laura María Rosalia Moreira de Salazar, Condesa de Montes Claros (AKA: Jonathan Edlestein)

I travel often, but I rarely have the privilege of choosing my destination.

I am a Senator of the Federal Empire of Brazil, on Estates-General Earth. Despite the anachronism presented by the existence of aristocrats such as myself, my country prides itself on being an outward-looking one, and it was only the second on my world to add an interworld affairs portfolio to its cabinet. I had the fortune - or misfortune, if you will - to be the first person appointed to the post.

So I travel often. And given my nation's policy of forging relationships with its counterparts, my destination is most frequently Brazil.

To date, I have traveled to 24 analogues of my homeland, which to my mind qualifies me as an expert at judging variations on a theme. I've been to worlds where Brazil was a dictatorship ruled by generals, or a province of the Inca's empire, or a nation of Jews descended from a charismatic false messiah. Compared to any of these, the United States of Brazil on La Follette Earth might as well be home - but its very familiarity makes it seem all the more foreign on the occasions when you are reminded that it is not. And there will be many such occasions.

Brazil on La Follette Earth, like all the nations on its world, has been heavily influenced by the Progressive movement - and by the country where it originated. There is a saying on my world that all political movements are misnamed, and the La Follette Progressives are no exception; once they progressed as far as they wanted, they began defending the status quo as fiercely as anyone. At its best, Progressivism means open government, clean streets, universal education and health care; at its worst, narrow-minded moralism, censorship and reduction of life to gray uniformity.

Brazil, on the Progressive periphery, has missed many of the benefits of Progressive society, but in doing so has also avoided the worst. The enlightened racial attitudes of the United States have yet to take over Brazil, as one look at the poverty of Bahia or the _favelas_ of São Paulo will make clear. Corruption has been largely eliminated at the top, but the outstretched hand is still the norm among petty bureaucrats. On the other hand, the local eugenicists haven't yet succeeded in passing involuntary euthanasia laws, and it's much harder to get a sterilization order than in the United States or Europe - provided that the intended victim isn't Native American or black. America is what Brazil aspires to, but Brazil isn't quite America yet.

But you're not reading this for a lesson in civics; you want to find out where to go. I'll admit that the tendency to go on about politics and society is an occupational hazard - but one for which I hope I may be forgiven, because the primary attractions of this Brazil for interworld tourists are cultural.

To be sure, this isn't why Americans and Europeans from La Follette Earth travel to Brazil. They go for the beaches and the _casas licenciadas_ of Rio, neither of which is worth a journey by Gridney. The beaches are attractive and well-maintained, but no more so than their counterparts at home - and even those who, unlike me, can stomach the thought of sexual tourism will find nothing out of the ordinary here. No, the reason to come is the people.

The history of Latin America on many worlds has been intertwined with that of North America and Europe, but most have tried to keep the cultures of both at arm's length. Not here. This Brazil has embraced North American civilization, and the two cultures have merged to form something that cannot be found on any other world.

The place to see this cultural fusion in all its glory, however, isn't any of the major cities. Those have become entirely too American; it is possible to go all day there without hearing a word of Portuguese, and artistic and musical styles are studied imitations of the United States. The products on store shelves are American-made, and even many of the stores themselves are franchises of American chains.

Urban Brazil isn't a total loss. The buildings are worth seeing - this Brazil has a taste for the spectacular, and the Parliament in Brasilia is a better example of Art Nouveau architecture than anything in America. The amenities are lavish, if bland, and the facilities well maintained. The sidewalks of Brasilia or São Paulo, alone among Brazilian cities that I have visited, are clean and well-paved enough that it is possible to walk comfortably in high heels - which is admittedly more of a concern when attending diplomatic meetings than for a casual tourist. But you won't find anything here worth crossing worlds for.

Another attraction that fails to live up to expectations is ecotourism. Environmentalists - or conservationists, as they are called here - are popular and well-financed, and both American and Brazilian foundations have purchased millions of acres of Amazon rainforest as nature preserves. The preserves, which are a part of Brazil's national park system, are an extremely popular destination for American and European tourists; inexpensive and well-appointed boat cruises leave regularly from Belém and Manaus.

The trouble is that, as with much else in this Brazil, the human element is missing. The tribes that inhabit the rainforest in other worlds have been sterilized or forced onto reservations where they dress in castoff clothes and are forbidden to practice their traditions. At the same time, it is impossible to escape them, because the reservations are _everywhere_ on the Amazon, along with the handicraft stands that cater to endless crowds of tourists. The rainforest is magnificent, and is much better preserved than on all too many other worlds, but one has the disquieting feeling of being in a zoo where the human beings are the ones in the cages.

In the end, the greatest rewards for the traveler are not found in the stylish cities or the comfortable cruises. It is where the accommodations are rougher, in the countryside and in the cities' poorer quarters, that a genuine synthesis of North and South America can be found. I can't tell you where to find it, because the places to go today will not be here tomorrow. And I can't tell you exactly what you will find, because the synthesis of traditions is a work in progress which changes from day to day. But if you ask the residents of any country town or working- class city neighborhood, they'll point you in the right direction.

You may end up in a craftsman's workshop by the side of a rural road, where the proprietor has incorporated elements of both styles into the furniture he makes with local hardwood. You might find a restaurant where the chef, having returned from training in the United States, combines imported American ingredients with the local produce. One of the musicians in a local dance company might have spent some time playing in an American band - and he'll probably be doing something far more creative with American music than you'd be able to find in the United States. Maybe you'll happen on an outdoor poetry reading and learn exactly how English words are enriching the Portuguese language. Or possibly you'll find yourself in a warehouse-district hashish bar that was opened for foreign diplomats but now caters to the young and discontented. I found all of these between São Paulo and Brasilia, and more of the same will be waiting wherever you go. The Afro-Brazilians of Bahia and Pernambuco, the German _gauchos_ of Rio Grande do Sul, the yeomen of Minas Gerais - all of them have taken the best of American culture and made it into something uniquely theirs.

The United States of Brazil isn't for those who like their destinations neatly packaged or who are afraid to leave the beaten path. But for those who are willing to change their plans and look beyond the surface, there is a great deal to see in a land less South America than America South.


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Notes from around the Metaverse:

Buster Keaton's Head!

©2002 James "Doc" Crabtree

Work was completed today on the fifth face on Mount Rushmore, that of President Buster Keaton.

During his two terms as President, Keaton led his nation out of the Great Depression (through his massive Federal programs which expanded the movie industry and other American economic centers) and to victory over Hitler in the Second Great War.

President Keaton liked to meet other world leaders in person, claiming that he could keep a straight face through any negotiation. The "Old Stone Face" kept the Germans and the Japanese guessing throughout the 30s. What will always stay in people's mind is the moment he slapped Hitler in the face with a lemon cream pie at Munich, thus forcing the Fuhrer to initiate a war prematurely, in order to save face. Unlike the bloodbath of 1914-18, the Second Great War was over by 1941.

It is amazing how few people remember President "Fatty" Arbuckle, the man Keaton succeeded when he choked to death on a carp.

Spanish London

©2002 Susan McManama

The dominant language is Spanish, so if you are not bi-linqual, bring a hand-held computerized translater since Spanish is such a fast language. Don't miss the flamico dancers at Picadilly Circus. In the 450 years since they arrived in London, they have remained a closed group with no intermarriage with native Londoners.

King Phillip the XXVII does not actively encourage tourism but there is much to see and do in his London. None of the banks exchange any foriegn currency, so be sure to change your money before you arrive on this island.

Unrest on Ugandan Israel Earth

©2002 David K. Tormsen

Exerpts from the diary of a GNN journalist Wolf Stilton


..leapt behind a dumpster as the Zealot helicopter descended upon the stone-throwing Ugandan youths. I grimaced as their screams echoed through the night air, and the sounds of bullet hitting flesh were branded forever in my memory...

...as the burning cross fell. The Ku Klux Klansmen began to regroup after the initial surprise attack by the Afro-American neo-nazis, but they were obviously outnumbered. I looked in wonder at the red, white and black swastika flag was raised high over the ashes of the Confederate flag that had stood there before...

...the third unsuccessful Allied attack on Cairo. The Arab Alliance was unphased by this and have continued their invasion of Iran. American president Robert Maxwell has again repeated his statement that "the armies of the Western Allies will not rest until Tehran is once again free", even while riots scar the streets across America, and the fuel supply from Venezuela to satisfy the hunger of the ever-costly war machine grows thin...

...continued fighting between the Umkhonto we Sizwe and the Israeli army. The terrible wars that have crippled South Africa, Nigeria and Eithiopia are threatening to engulf all of Africa. PANC leader Robert Sobukwe has...

...the Sino-Russian Pact will stand by it's warning that any nuclear attack on the cities of the Arab Alliance will be treated as an attack on themselves...

...statue of the first president of Israel, Albert Einstein, stands over the people of Kampala, immortalised in stone. Though once a beautiful sight of whitened stone, it has now become tarnished with pollution and graffiti. Some in Kampala swear that they can sometimes see past the wistful smile of the statues face, to eyes that are filled with regret, dismay and revulsion at the terrible state of Israel today..