Alternate Obituaries


Senator Fidel Castro

1927-1997


Fidel Castro, former baseball player, longtime Republican Senator, and Barry Goldwater's running mate in 1964, died yesterday of old age in his home in the Havana suburbs. I'd like to say a few words about his career.

To understand Castro, you have to understand something about Cuban history. Cuba, it is true, has been a state since the 1850's, but in some ways it has never been typically "American." There is still a large Hispanic population. Until the 1950's, Cuban politics largely revolved around Anglo-Hispanic relations, the Anglos usually voting Republican, the Hispanics Democratic. The popular and progressive long-time New Deal governor of the state, Fulgencio Batista, cemented Hispanic loyalty to the Democrats.

It was in the late 1940's and 1950's that Castro and his fellow University of Havana Young Republicans (who called themselves the "young rebels") changed everything. With a campaign of what they jokingly called "guerilla warfare" they took over and energized the decrepit Republican organization in Cuba. Critical to the success of this operation were Castro and his friend, the future governor "Jay" Guevara (an Argentine-born business student). Preaching a doctrine of free market economics, they exposed communism and corruption in the Batista administration.

Castro did interrupt his political career briefly to play baseball with the New York Yankees and the Washington Senators. He later joked that this prepared him for his true calling in life--"to be a Yankee Senator."

After his election to the U.S. Senate in a special election in 1959, Castro was looked upon as one of the brightest young stars of the Republican Party. He was known for his staunch anticommunism. Indeed, once when he addressed the United Nations General Assembly as a U.S. delegate, his speech so enraged Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev that the latter took off his shoes and started pounding them on the desk. Khrushchev later caled Castro "nothing but a cigar-smoking capitalist."

Perhaps the high point of Castro's career was when he was chosen as Barry Goldwater's running mate in 1964. Of course the ticket lost badly, but Castro was not discouraged. "History will absolve me," he said.

After retiring from the Senate, Castro devoted himself to business. He became a member of the board of several large corporations, including United Fruit. He loved to entertain his wealthy friends on his yacht, the Granma (named after the Senator's beloved grandmother).

Commenting on Castro's death, his old friend Jay Guevara said that the Republican Party these days could use "two, three, many Fidel Castros."

©1997 David Tenner


Admirel Robert Ashton Heinlein
1907-1988

Frum the Obitiuerees ov the Nw York Tyms

May 9, 1988

On John Reilly's Altscript World Pages

Barry Goldwater

Barry Goldwater

1909-1998


"Former President Barry Goldwater passed away today at the age of 96, having long since surpassed John Adams as the oldest living ex-Presidents, a remarkable feat consider that Adams died in 1826, when most men were dying at age 60 or before.

Goldwater rose to prominence as a senator when, during the latter part of the administration of Thomas Dewey (1949-1957), he pushed forthe U.S. military buildup in Sout Korea that Dewey insisted upon. It was seen as a hedge against possible Northern aggression, though some said the inclusion of South Korea in a speech by one of Dewey's aides when discussing areas the U.S. would "defend to the utmost against Communist tyranny" proved just as decisive in preventing a war.

After Dewey's republican Party got the Civil Rights Act passed in 1955, the Democrats easily won the '56 election over Earl Warren. Goldwater once called this "a great example of historical serendipity" because, in Goldwater's words "the people reacted against the Republicans, but Lyndon Johnson clobbered Nixon so much in his re-election bid in 1960 that that d**n liar never did run again."

Goldwater ran against John Kennedy in JFK's election victory in 1964, losing narrowly. He was willing to "wait out the potential problems," and wound up winning by just as narrow a margin in 1968, when scandals, including allegations of wiretapping by JFK's attorney general brother, began to rock the Kennedy administration.

The Goldwater administration was a rather peaceful one, and some pundits claimed his conservative demeanor and abhorrence of some liberal causes, such as abortion and the feminist movement, led to the 1970s being "the conservative decade we needed in the 1950s, after World War Two."

Goldwater would often say of the turbulent '50s "we took care of the things we needed to, getting our nation right morally by ending segregation, but now we need to keep ourselves pointed in the right direction. And most of these liberal causes aren't worth a thing." He also lambasted some in his own party, saying "some Republicans make me look almost socialist." His calls for moderation in politics led to him being called "the grandfather of our country" by admirers, who noted Goldwater retired from the Presidency having served at an older age than anyone else, and who also stated that his calming influence was what was need even now, 16 years after economic problems led to his VP, Bob Dole, being defeated for re-election by the left-leaning Ted Kennedy."

©1998 DFowler955


John Wayne

Wayne as Dracula

(1907-1979)

John Wayne was born Marion Michael Morrison in Winterset, Iowa, and moved to California when he was two years old. A stuntman and aspiring actor, he was cast as the hero of Roald Walsh's 1929 movie THE BIG TRAIL and was assigned the name John Wayne. THE BIG TRAIL, Wayne's first and only Western, was a box office failure.

Fox Studios sold Wayne's contract to Universal where he was assigned to a motion picture adaptation of the stage play DRACULA. Originally starring Lon Chaney, the picture needed a new lead when Chaney died of cancer before filming began. Roald Walsh replaced eccentric director Todd Browning, and Walsh vetoed Browning's hurried substitute casting of romantic lead Bela Lugosi as Count Dracula. "You need somebody who speaks English like an American if you're making a talkie," Walsh allegedly said to his producers.

John Wayne's DRACULA made the unknown actor a star. Even today Wayne's handsome face and curly hair, augmented by vampire fangs, is the archetypical vampire of millions of cartoons and dolls. Followed in a year by Universal's FRANKENSTEIN, Wayne established himself as the new Lon Chaney.

In his career, John Wayne made seventy-four films, all of which endlessly rerun on television and videotape. "I was lucky," said Wayne in an interview given to _Castle of Frankenstein_ in the 1960s. "The older and uglier I get, the more roles are available to me as a mad doctor or nutty killer. If Bela got to keep the role of Dracula, his career would not have suffered as he got plump and wrinkled and he would never have had to go on TV and portray Ben Cartoli on BONANZA."

Don't you like Westerns? his interviewer asked.

"Hell, no," said John Wayne. "I hate horses."

©1998 by Raymond Speer


Sir Alfred "Benny" Hill

(1924-1992)


From the London Times
April 21,1992

Obituary- Sir Alfred "Benny" Hill, Former Prime Minister of Great Britain

Benny Hill, former Prime Minister, died yesterday. He was a famous comedian during the 50s and 60s, then had entered politics as a labor MP in the 1970s, then later served as prime minister from 1974-1979 . He was 67 years old. He is well remembered, not as one of the best prime ministers, but certainly as one of the funniest. "The best of Prime Ministers Bennys question time" has been available for sale for some time and is expected to be a hot seller. Former prime minister Margret Thatcher paid the best tribute that can be said of him when she said "His laughter made politics a bit more bearable".

®1999 by Stephen Voss


Quentin "Q" Andrew Shrewsbury

Picture of Q

(1913-2000)

From the ITA TODAY
January 18, 2000

Last night an end of an era happened. On the Jefferson Speedway near the bedroom comunity of East Bailey, Quentin Shrewsbury, known to all as "Q" was killed in a auto accident. He was in his customize Austin Martin E34 heading to his great granddaughter's to babysit his great great granddaughter. As his car drove itself down the speedway, a four year old child had somehow gotten past the barriers and wandered onto the shoulder. The child remains unidentified at this time.

It had wandered out onto the speedway, stepping in front of Q's car. The onboard babbage operated perfectly and made a split second decision and swerved to avoid the child at 120 kph. So did the car behind it. Unfortunately its onboard babbage was not as sophisticated as the one in Q's car. As his friend and colleague Lawerance Lipcombe said, "No car is as sophisticated as Q's. He modified it with the latest technology and hardware. No other Robo-car on the road was like Q's Austin Martin in performance or ability." Because of this, the car behind Q's caught the rear of his car, forcing it over the center divider into oncoming traffic. Specifically into the path of a 42 tonne Robo-lorry moving at what was considered the normal cruising speed for one, around 220 kph.

The fact that the accident involved only three vehicles, and spared the life of the child, at the loss of only one person is a testament to the Robo-driving system pioneered by Q himself. There were nearly fifty vehicles within a mile of the accident, only the three were actually involved. If there had been humans at the wheel...

... He is survived by his four daughters: Sally Mesller, Jessica Newhart, Samantha Shrewsbury-Thunderhawk, Melinda Smith, and his son, Dr. Richard Shrewsbury. In addition to his son and daughters, he is also survived by his 17 grand children, 60 great grandchildren, and some 200 great great grandchildren.

©2000 John H. Reiher Jr.