State of Israel
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©1999 Chris Barts |
[Translated from Hebrew]
Introduction and Welcome:
Welcome to our proud land, rich with Jewish heritage and pride. We at the Capital Building in Jerusalem hope your stay is enjoyable and filled with the beauty of ancient lands and modern culture.
History:
Our nation is one born of fire, evidenced by the Gaza Strip Beachhead Assault Memorial and the World Peace Monument in Old City Jerusalem. We are forever indebted to the brave American, British, French, and Russian soldiers who lost their lives defending this nation against Hitler's perverted German-Arabic Jihad (1942-1945).
Our modern story truly begins in 1942, when the defeated Hitler, mad with his obsession to wipe out Judaism and lusting for power, fled with his closest cronies and a corps of fanatical SS officers to the newly-freed Arabic states.
Once there, he presented his plan for a combined German-Arabic holy war against all Judaism. He promised the Arabs much of Asia and a global Islamic influence if they gave him men and captured European weapons. They agreed wholeheartedly.
The Allies, who saw the horrors at the concentration camps in formerly Nazi Germany, promised the Jewish people a homeland in the Holy Land. With Hitler in Arabia, that also meant being able to purge the Earth of the last remnants of his sick regime.
The response was swift: A beachead landing at the Gaza Strip followed by intense fighting towards Jerusalem, a city taken by house-to-house warfare culminating in the execution of the Arabic General Yitzak Rabin on the current site of the World Peace Monument.
Hitler, however, was in Mecca, a city soon wiped out by 24-hour B-52 bombing and, later on, mortar shelling. Mecca fell on May 8, 1945, after heavy house-to-house fighting amid the ruins and rubble of the holy city. The cowardly Hitler commited suicide months earlier, on April 30. He was found in his bunker by a Jewish squad, who later strung up the corpse for public stoning and ridicule. The rest, most notably Hermann Goering, were given a war crimes trial in the State House in Jerusalem and subsequently stoned to death by a mixed crowd of civillians and soldiers.
Later, on August 6, 1945, a proud day for the newly-founded State of Israel, the atomic bomb 'Nizkor' (Hebrew for 'we will remember') was dropped on Hiroshima, Japan. Three days later, Japan surrendered to the United States of America. Israel offered a presidency to Albert Einstein, the Jewish genius behind the atomic bomb, but he refused, stating that he had "no head for human affairs."
Israel, now a free nation and owner of all of the Middle East except for Turkey, Kuwait, Iraq, and Iran, had to defend itself against the Yom Kippur Invasion (1945). Iraq, backed by the Soviet Union, attacked Israel in an attempt to regain formerly Arab land and push the Americans from the Middle East. The tiny nation of Kuwait, loyal to America, was saved by the brilliant leadership of General George S. Patton. Iraq and its Soviet allies were quickly pushed back to their former boundaries, but the Iron Curtain had settled in on the border between Muslims and Jews.
During the Cold War, Israel was the focal point of many disputes. The Iraqi Missile Boat Crisis, when a line of nuclear-equipped missile boats were within instants of launching a nuclear Armageddon against the Holy Land, was defused by the Catholic American President John F. Kennedy, leading the Pope to publicly absolve the Jewish people of the imaginary sin of killing Jesus Christ, further cementing this nation's solidarity with the mainly Christian nations fighting Communism.
The fall of Communism in 1989 was a great day for Israel, who had prospered under the Capitalist system and was eager to expand its markets to those nations formerly under the Communist yoke. Israel has helped many former Soviet nations into the modern age with generous donations of money and technology.
Present-day Israel:
The present-day Israel is rich in millenia-old traditions and places, such as the restored Old City Jersalem, and modern culture, like the shopping centers just outside our capital city and in Mecca, a short plane trip away.
Israel is a very clean nation, with relatively low crime, even in the central deserts. The law enforcement is kind, courteous, and efficient at quashing anything from shoplifting to the unfortunate displays of racist hatred at Sons of Islam rallies.
But be warned: The Sons of Islam, as much as one would like to think the group extinct, is very much alive as an underground movement, subverting young men and making them do things like bomb government buildings and kill innocent children in the schools. The worst incident of this type happened in downtown Mecca, when five Sons opened fire on children going to a Synagogue on Saturday, May 1. Rallies get intense on Hitler's Birthday and on most Islamic holidays, and the unchecked violence of the riots sometimes sparked has taken many lives. By all means, stay out of the country during these days!
However, despite these unfortunate and illegal acts, Israel is a very safe place to visit and to live. We hope to see you soon.
The Definitive Guide to the Lawrencian Emirate |
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®1999 Thomas Keith |
"Indeed, the two-hundred-foot-tall statue of Lawrence in Riyadh could be, and has been, called gauche and arrogant. Still, when one looks in the distance at the Great Derrick, the largest oil well in the Eastern Hemisphere, one understands that commissioning and erecting this statue was an expense this land could easily handle..."
"...and was indeed a cowardly act. Had the British Empire not signed a separate peace with Germany in 1917, the war might not have entered its bloody second phase, as the Kaiser faced the Franco-Japanese-American alliance for another six years, and the opportunity might not have arisen for T.E. Lawrence and his Arab allies to weaken the Ottomans and carve out a personal empire."
"...annexed the Transjordan in 1937. Problems continue today. Beware of bottles stuffed with burning rags, or "Suleiman's cocktails," as they're called, flying at Lawrencian barracks throughout the ravaged cities of Jerusalem, Damascus, and Beirut."
"Emir Thomas III has thus far failed in his attempts to win ITA membership. The second-class status of Turks and Jews in his country, and the hostility of the Japanese and American militarist governments to any force that might weaken their grip on the Pacific, makes this world a highly unstable prospect at best..."